How can I save my marriage?  It is a sad thing to watch a marriage that was once so precious and important fall apart.  It is heart breaking for you to sit by as you and your spouse start going your separate ways.  If you don’t want that to happen then you need to do something about it.  Get your priorities straight, put you marriage first and consciously put together a plan that rescue your marriage.  It is easier with both of you working on it but one of you can make a difference and it can be enough to save the marriage.

Chill Out

Take a moment and step back from the situation and calm down.  Try to get a non emotional perspective on your relationship and take stock of what is going wrong and why.   Try not to let your emotions control your actions.

The next time something is said to you that upsets you try and stay calm, take a deep breath and try not to let your anger take over.  Only then can you truly have a setting for communication.  Your spouse may have intentionally pushed your buttons knowing how you always react which is their justification for something.  If you don’t react as anticipated it will set the stage for a chance to discuss what is happening and how you feel about it.

Understand What is Happening

What is below the surface?  Things are seldom as they appear.  You are arguing about one thing but the real problem is below the surface or disguised.  This is were the problem is not the problem.  Take some time to analyze your situation and try and identify the root problems.  Don’t just look at your spouse.  You need to look at yourself first and figure out what is missing from your perspective and what you can do to make your relationship better.

What role does selfishness play in the how can I save my marriage question?  All or almost all human beings are selfish.  We want it our way and we want it now and we don’t care about the consequences.  This is not a good foundation for a relationship.  A far better approach is to identify your selfish desires, write them down and use them to analyze what part they contribute to your marital difficulties.  Don’t down play the importance of this concept.  If you can remove your selfish desires from the equation then it is time to look at unrealistic expectations.

What Role Does Unrealistic Expectations Play?

Unrealistic expectations usually are closely linked to selfish desires but they are different.  Think about what expectations you have for your relationship and which of these may be either unrealistic or not communicated or both.  If you have an expectation of your spouse but it has never been communicated to them how you expect them to magically know what it is.

Another aspect of unrealistic expectations is things that are impossible.  For example if your dreams and expectations are that your husband be a professional basketball player but he is only five feet tall then this is not a realistic expectation.  An expectation can only be realistic if it is communicated, understood and agreed upon.

Are They Important?

The next question to ask is which of your selfish desires and expectations are important to your relationship?  I mean really important or important enough that your marriage can’t survive without them.  It may be painful, but it will help if you can identify and set aside the desires and expectations that are not part of your core relationship.  The things that you identify as core then need to be addressed to build a solid foundation for your marriage.

How Can I Save My Marriage – Summary

Take a self inventory with the intention of identifying the components that your relationship can’t survive without.  It would be great if your spouse did the same thing but don’t delay your actions waiting for someone or something else.  Prioritize your list of core components and start to build an environment where these things can thrive.  We explain in detail how to build the environment in the book “How To Have A Relationship That Is Over The Top”  Click Here for more information on Saving Your Marriage.