It can be overwhelming and frustrating trying to save a failing marriage before it is too late. You may have heard tons of advice from well meaning people but none of these ideas have been the magic bullet you keep hoping will appear. Well I don’t know of a magic bullet either, but it is not as difficult as you may fear to get things on track toward an over the top relationship.
First, for the present time stop doing what you are doing (it is not working anyway) and suspend judgment until you have tried some of the recommendations in this article. But before we start you need to clearly define what about your marriage is failing. I know for a woman if one thing is bad all things are bad in the relationship and for a man who compartmentalizes his problems he may be satisfied if most things are good. So define how you will feel in an Over The Top relationship, how you feel now and what will be required to reach the desired marriage. Don’t define anything in terms of how the other person needs to change for you to be happy. In other words don’t just blame the other person.
Second, men and women do not want the same things from a relationship. So after you define what will make your relationship Over The Top next define how you think your spouse will answer the same question and how you could help your spouse have an Over The Top relationship. It is unlikely you can change your spouse (I know you have tried because we all do) but you can change yourself. And if you change how you are treating your spouse there is a good chance they will react positively and be motivated to change. This is not necessarily going to be easy, quick or 100% successful, but start by trying the suggestion below.
For Men Only
Women want love. One of the aspects of love is feeling connoted to her husband. When you were courting you sat face-to-face and you listened attentively to her. Chances are that life got in the way and that does not happen enough any more. So my suggestion is spend some quality time with her away from distractions including family and electronics and genuinely listen to her talk about whatever is on her heart. The conversation topics are not important, but it is important you face her, you look at her when she is talking, you acknowledge her but you do not take over the conversation, get defensive or distracted. For best results schedule a few minutes each day for this activity even if it means you both get up earlier in the morning.
For Women Only
Men want love too but more than love they want your respect. This is a topic that is not well understood, not discussed often and is much broader than I can cover here. I can’t over emphasize how important respect is to a male. Remember I asked you to suspend judgment so just try this suggestion. Sit down with a piece of paper and write out the things you respect about your husband. For the purpose of this experiment ignore the things you may not respect about him and set aside your feeling that respect must be earned. Remember you are trying to save the marriage. Some of the things that could be on the respect list – you respect that he goes to work everyday even though he may not like his job, you respect that he is a good father to the children, you respect he is a man of integrity, you respect that he protects his family. There are hundreds of others but you get the point. Now take a note card or piece of paper and write your husband a note that just says I respect you for – and list a few of the things you respect about him. Now place this list somewhere where he will see it when you are not around (this is important). Be sincere in your list and be prepared to talk about these items.
This is a very brief introduction into some ways to move your relationship Over The Top. For more tips, techniques and secrets to improving your marriage go over to the right under Recommended Reading and check out “How To Have A Relationship That Is Over The Top”How To Fix A Marriage