Save marriage tips could be a very long list of helpful items but the question is will they help you move your relationship towards Over The Top?  Now it goes without saying that every relationship is unique and a tip that is of great help to one couple may not apply to you at all.  So let’s start at the beginning.  You are here because your relationship with your spouse is not what you believe it could and should be and you are looking for help.

Save Marriage Tips #1 – Define What You Believe Needs To Be Improved

Before you can put together a plan to solve a problem you have to correctly define the problem. Please don’t discount this process as it of primary importance to moving your marriage forward.  To start with we are looking for the core issues or problems in your relationship and not just the symptoms of a problem.  Does your spouse act like a slob and leaves their things all over the house and never picks anything up?  The problem isn’t that they are a slob but rather the problem may be that they do not respect you or your time or they do not share your desire to have a neat home.

Another example might be that your spouse spends money frivolously.  The spending is a symptom not the core problem.  This core problem may be more complex to identify and you may need to look at additional symptoms to identify the core problem that is impacting your marriage.  The core problem in this case could be lack of discipline, lack of maturity, or not being included in the financial planning process on how money needs to be spent.  Money is a big factor in many relationships and the root problem may take some work to determine.

Save Marriage Tip #2 – Plan A Course Of Action To Discuss The Problems

Once you have decided what you think the problems are the next step is to discuss these with your spouse.  Don’t try and do this when emotions are high but rather make a plan or date to discuss some things that are bothering you or on your heart.  Before this conversation plan out what you are going to say and how you are going to say it.  For best results it should not be finger pointing or blame attaching session.  I would suggest setting out the problems you believe are adversely impacting your relationship as you see it and what lead you to conclude this is a problem.  Then carefully consider your spouses feedback.

This will likely result in a defensive response from your spouse, but try and hang in there until you get some agreement on the core problems with your relationship.  I would recommend working to agree on one problem at a time.  Men like to compartmentalize and work on one issue at a time, but women have integrated personalities where if one thing is wrong the whole relationship is wrong.

Save Marriage Tip #3 – Agree On A Course Of Action

As you get each problem identified then develop a course of action that will address this core problem and eliminate or lessen each symptom.  I recommend you develop an action plan for each agreed upon problem as you go along for a number of reasons.  First, this is the fastest way to see positive progress.  Second, if you wait the list of problems may be so long that one or both of you may get discouraged and quit.  Third, because men compartmentalize a problem combined with a plan for a solution will form a compartment and be easier for them to begin to take action.

Save Marriage Tip #4 – Get Help If You Can’t Go It Alone

As you may have discovered I do not recommend seeing a marriage counselor for every aspect of your marriage. However, if you can’t work through defining the problems and developing solutions peacefully then a marriage counselor’s office may be a good place to have third party assistance.  Make sure you tell the counselor what your objectives are and where you need help.

For more information on integrated and compartmentalized personalities plus other great information on saving the marriage and how to have an Over The Top relationship check out the Recommended Reading selection in the right column.