As I have said before there are no magic ways to save your marriage or any relationship. My goal is to get you thinking about how to select some techniques or thought patterns that will get you and your relationship moving in the correct direction. So when I list five or fifty things I am not saying that if you do these things everything will be okay. Every person and every relationship is unique so you will need to take these as suggestions and adapt them to your situation.
1. Stop Your Destructive Behavior. I would think this should go without saying, but you would be surprised at the number of times couples say they want to save their marriage, but continue to do the things that caused the problems in the first place. If you are clueless as to what you should change ask your spouse or ask your best friend. First validate behavior that needs to be changed, next determine what is acceptable behavior, then consistently demonstrate the new behavior.
Remember, if the old behavior has destroyed your spouses trust then it will take time to show your new behavior will be your new norm. Trust does not come back overnight so sustained performance will be needed.. One wife made a comment during a coaching session “that she needed to become more lovable”. From her perspective this is something she could change that would improve their relationship. Do not try and change your spouse. This is time to take an inventory of the things you can control and can willingly change. Behavior is not everything that makes up a person or a relationship but it is a place to start and it will have visible results.
2. Get Your Financial Issues Defined. A very large percentage of marital issues involve finances or lack of money or spending habits. If money is a problem in your marriage then take the time to define the problem and outline some possible solutions. The problem is seldom that one partner or the other spends too much money or earns too little money. The problem has more to with agreeing how to manage and allocate the money that is available. There is a very good chance that one of you is an active spender and the other is very frugal. Most relationships are this way and the solution is not for one or the other to change but rather for the two of you to agree on a plan to accomplish your mutually defined financial goals. Notice I said agree and not force the weaker partner into submission. Plus mutually defined goals do not mean the goals of one partner that the other partner agrees to but rather a combination of each persons goals into a single plan.
If this is an area that usually results in an argument and the issue does not get resolved then you may need some additional help. Occasionally a marriage counselor will be skilled in this area but you more than likely will need a financial coach. One source to locate financial coaches and find some really sound education of handling family financial issues is Dave Ramsey. He is well known and I urge you to give his programs a try. This is a link to his website – http:www.daveramsey.com and under the classes tab is a section on coaches.
3. Be Willing To Change. This relates back to the first tip. We have all heard someone say “you knew who I was when you married me.” which implies that nothing changes and change is never needed. Well friend, people and things change everyday and you basically have to decide if they are important enough for you to change and accommodate. Not every change is good and I am not sawing you need to change constantly to accommodate your spouse. But I am saying that you need to evaluate if changes may be in line to improve your relationship and improve your spouses life and happiness..
Change can be hard and unsettling, but you need to consider if it is time you got out of you rut and out of your comfort zone and made some positive changes. If the change is insignificant to you but will have a huge positive impact on your spouse and your relationship then what are you waiting for? If you care about your spouse and want an Over The Top Relationship then get busy and take some positive, constructive action.
How To Fix A Marriage